About 45 minutes later, while laying on Karls couch, I see what I thought was a fire truck pull up in front of my building, which I can see from karls couch. Turns out it was Ontario Hydro pulling up in a cherry picker. Stayed at Karls for a bit, and watched Mythbusters.
I decide to go home a little before 10, and walk to my front door only to see two hydro workers walking around with flash lights. "This is fuckin perfect" I think to myself. I walk into the hallway and something seemed off. There wasnt a full power outtage it seemed because the lights were still on, but what seemed like at a quarter the power. I open my door and see my lamp in the corner that seemed really dim, like a candle on its last legs. I instantly thought to myself "fuck I wish i bought that new battery for my macbook." The battery in there now lasts a good 10 minutes without a power source.
The power kept surging, where it would power up, then power down. I could hear electricity in my room. I could hear the workers outside my window talking and trying to fix this problem.
10:30PM: Every light in my apartment turns on full force, and i hear my fridge rev up. I got so jackt to just put in a movie and fall asleep. As soon as I lay down BOOOM!!!!! Another explosion. Every light dims again. STRESSED!!
I lay there in somewhat darkness and somehow manage to pass out.
4AM: The workers must have been out there all night because at 4am I got the shit scared out of me when every single light in my apartment turns on, and the fridge gears up, and my microwave starts beeping. I stumble around turning everything off and try to fall asleep again.
6AM: With my window open, I can hear everything going on outside. Our apartment garbage bin has been moved to the parking lot on my side. This is awesome on tuesday mornings when a giant fuckin garbage truck pulls up and makes the sound of what sounds like an atomic bomb going off. I give in and give up on the idea of sleep at this point and watch an episode of Curb. Not the new one mind you, because with my modem needing POWER to fuckin work, the download of the new episode never finished. Bullshit.
7:45AM: Driving on my way to work. I am on a back road of Guelph, and at a red light ready to turn right. I creep up and there is one car behind me also wanting to turn right. I see a big gap, and thinking I could make it I accelerate a little bit, only a split second later remember that my bald tires might make me spin out and get nailed by a car. I decide to wait, when BOOM! I get hit from behind. The driver behind me must have assumed I was going to take off, and being the impatient morning driver that most people are, they wanted to fit in this tiny gap too. I exhaled and for about 30 seconds thought about it. With all the bullshit that happened the night before I didn't wanna deal with this crap. It was a light enough tap that I thought there is no way there is damage. Lord fuckin knows I am not going to get out in the pouring rain to check on this. I pull over for gas, only to find there was not even a scratch on my bumper. All's well that ends well as they say.
What a night. Cannot wait to sleep.
Can you believe Paul Stanly wrote this gem?
Why is Columbian Dave the best E-Mailer in the world?
- 3:06:00 PM
- By Jables
- 0 Comments
Why is Queen the best band in the world?
Most of you are probably asking yourselves – Is Queen the best band in the world? And if so, what constitutes the best band in the world?
Well, I say fuck you. Why you gotta ask questions? Let me finish what I started first, and then you can go ahead and dissect my paper.
As I woke up this morning, still tired from having stayed up late looking for old videos of country greats like Tex Williams, Bob Wills, and Hank Williams, manage to get up and make my way into the washroom for a much deserved morning shower.
It was in the shower when a certain melody struck me. At that precise moment I did not know what the melody was but I was certain that it rocked. I proceeded to get out of the shower, brush my teeth and get dressed while still humming the melody.
Man purse (or fucking awesome bag as I like to call it), wallet, cell phone, keys, sun glasses… Check, check, check, check, check, Ipod? Almost forgot to unplug the Ipod and take it with me. I’m an idiot. Now it’s a check!
At this point I find myself holding my Gran Torino (you might know it as my bicycle) while tucking my right pant leg into my sock. Why? You ask – well, fuck head, because I don’t want to ruin my work pants by getting them caught in the Gran Torino chain.
As I’, getting ready to ride away down College St. it hit me, the melody from the shower, it was “Its Late” from the album “News of the World”. I had watched a movie recently with that song in it, it was awesome. I took it as a sign and proceeded to play Queen I front to back while I rode my bicycle to work (I was gonna call it Gran Torino but fuck it I’m getting tired of that name, and I don’t even call it Gran Torino that often… I lied for the sakes of this story).
I throw on the headphones and crack up the volume (Really stupid thing to do, I know but don’t judge me you would be doing the same thing if you had that intro guitar riff from “Keep Yourself Alive” blasting in your ears). With that being said, I started my journey to work. I was humming the guitar solos, breaking to the beat of the drum; hell I was even playing air cymbals while going full speed across Spadina. I’ve have never felt so powerful while riding a girls 70’s coaster bike. I felt like I could take on a fucking garbage truck if I wanted too… For that I gotta thank the boys, Freddie, Brian, Roger, John.
I know my goal was to hear the album front to back on my way to work, however, something change, I wasn’t the same morning bicycle rider any more. To my surprise I was so jackt up on Queen I, by the time “My Fairy King” was over I was locking my bike and ready to go into work.
Needless to say I haven’t been able to do shit all day because all I can think about is how awesome Queen is, hence why I’m writing this stupid story to let you all know how my day was changed by Queen I.
In conclusion, the events that took place at my house this morning and led to me writing this story right now at 2:47p.m. are not events that occur on an every day basis. Events like this one should be embraced and given the necessary attention. In my opinion today, September 25th 2009, Queen is the greatest band in the world.
I’m not going to proofread this story, nor am I going to go back to it at a later time. Its done, so don’t bother telling me I have a run on sentence here, or a plural possessive there, maybe a couple of split infinitives with some messed up contractions cause I don’t care.
Truth is, I GET JACKT and tonight I’m getting drunk as fuck!
Rock forth,
Dave Ambrad
So Pavement, the greatest band ever, have decided to reuinte and play a show in New York Fuckin City. In Central Park of all places! Judging by the view on google maps, this might be the most beautiful place to see the most beautiful band play the worlds most beautiful songs.
So Ned got tickets for the first day. It sold so well, 2 minutes to sell out in fact, that more shows were added. Four shows in total to be exact. Ned and Michelle managed to get tickets for 3 of the 4 shows, and it was up to me to get tickets for the other day. I got an email yesterday from Ned asking if I can still get tickets for the Thrusday show. No problem! Right?
So I go onto Ticketmaster.ca about half an hour before 10, when the tickets are on sale. I saw the Thrusday show which said it was sold out, and I probably want to get tickets for the Friday show. I start to stress and strain, only this time the credit cards did not numb the pain. Quite the opposite. I send a bunch of emails to Ned, and Gary, and a text to Michelle. I assumed maybe Ned ment tickets for Friday not Thursday. Again, this was my first time using Ticketmaster. [Note: I usually call them Ticketbastard, but by the end of this story you will know why I will never again use such ugly language for such a wonderful company.] Gary said he thinks Ned got tickets for the Tuesday and Thursday show. Gary too had to get Friday tickets this morning, so all signs pointed to a miscommunication, and I should get Friday tickets. What do they say about assuming? They lead to assumptions. Yeah...no shit.
So I hit refresh about 38 times before 10am hits. Finally put an order in for 3 tickets and NO JOKE, Pavements "Type Slowly" came on. I swear to God I am not making that part up. This helped cuz I started to panic when they asked me to create an account again. I have never done this before, and that god damn timer in the corner was watching me like an evil eye.
After about 19 different pages there it was!! Confirmation page! I just bought 3 tickets for the Pavement show in New York. Awesome right? Nope.
I get an email from Ned saying its the Thursday show.
I saw green spots for about a minute. I freak out and go back to Ticketmaster and buy 3 tickets for the Thursday show. I am pretty much cursing at this point. The last thing I was expecting was to have over 300 bucks put on my Visa this morning, but it had to be done.
So here I am. 6 tickets to two Pavement shows. Three of which I need to get rid of. Or do I?!?!?
I read online that Ticketmaster Canada will cancel orders so long as you do it the day of. I find the Guelph phone number for Ticketmaster, and after 8 minutes on hold, the voice of an angel came on the other line. One that would make Visa mad, and me very happy. They said as a one time courtesy, and since I called the day of the order they would cancel my friday order and I would not be charge. I love you Ticketmaster. I love you Pavement. All is well in the world once again.
P.S. They said the next time I try to cancel an order they wont do it cuz they will see it as a pattern. I explained it was my first time ordering online and I fucked up.
Pick up Kurt and Trish and take off back to Guelph. Lunch at Shakies, and rests at my place. Got fuckin fired up later on. Drinking, listening to vinyls, and playing NHL 07 on the Xbox. Motel came over after work, as did Karl who said he is going to stay in......but he could not resist the pumptness. Ned and Michelle came later on, as did Katie G. Got right jackt and went to the Albion to see JAPANDROIDS!!! Pretty awesome, but we could not see shit. The stage there is almost non existent, and it was pretty packed.
Oh yea, Michelle bought me a beer. Tasted so good, but I am going to try to lay off the barly pops still. Mmmmmmm. Lot of the night was a blur.....but I do remember playing the piano at the Albion with my ass to Pavements "Box Elder".
Anyhoo....fuckin awesome time with awesome people. Now I am off to Milton to party it up with Axl, and Columbo, and Scotty, and my sweet sweet Nick. I can only assume we will rock out to Halen, and Space Ace, and Sabbaths Vol. 4.
FIRED UP!!!
Pavement are set to reform for gigs in New York in 2010, according to reports.
According to the Brooklyn Vegan the Stephen Malkmus-led band, who split in 1999, will play multiple shows on the US city's Central Park SummerStage next September.
The former members of the revered California band have hinted that they may reform for live shows at various times.
In January guitarist Scott Kannberg said the band may reunite to play at the Coachella festival, although the reformation did not materialise. Last year he said the band could reunite to play a gig to mark their record label Matador's 20th anniversary.
I am going to book time off for this. Totally going. LETS DO IT!!!!!!!!
Kinda nervous about this nail thing. Just outside of Octpie, losing a nail is second on my list of things that skeeve me out. I can see the curve near the bottom of the nail where I can only assume it has stopped growing. Not jackt. I feel like a reverse Cher, where only one finger nail is black.
HOLY FUCK!!! My tv just turned on by itself. Fuckin terrified!!! I assumed I set an alarm somehow, but the time is not even set on the TV. Can I sleep at your house?
Friday! Kurt and Trish fly in. I pick them up at pearson early friday morning. Get jackt all day, head to the Albion for JAPANDROIDS!!!!!!!!Saturday! Karl and I go to Milton where Axl is having a big party. Gonna get shitfaced at the local Swiss Chalet as a warm up. FUCKFUCKFUCK JACKT!! Whos comin?!?!
CRANK IT!!
First weekend without beer, and as hard as it was, I got through it. I got insanly jackt at work Friday, but thats probably because of our end of day Ping Pong game. Tom challanged me, and while I got to a nice 19 to 14 lead, my usual trash talk started and that's where it went downhill. Tom schooled me 25 to 23 in the end. Awesome game. The blood was flowing and I was too excited to get rockin that night. It was weird to drive home on a Friday and not pop into the beer store. Hung out at Karls place with Motel, and we drank some Vodka, played NHL98 and watched all the new students in town. Its pretty interesting to watch, mainly because watching these 18 year olds really makes me feel old for the first time. Its a weird sight to watch the bars across the street empty out and all you see is stumbling horned up people walking the streets. Its not a good time to be sober when this is around you, haha.
Next day hit up Shakies for breakfest which was fuckin bad. The patio was sweet, as was the coffee, but my bacon was so burnt that it had no taste left. Our waitress was horrible too. She gave us total attitude. Hey! Missy! Its not my fault you have to come work hungover on a saturday morning. You dont like it? Get a new job....otherwise dont take yr shit out on us. Probably the shittiest tip I have ever left. The other girl working the patio did more for us that morning.
Later on, played soccer with Karl, cleaned, blah blah blah. Jim and Dan came over for drinks and tunes. Went out to this girls fundraiser for her trip for Habitat for Humanity in Africa....dont ask.....I just went for the drinks.
Beyond that, good times. Its pretty fuckin awesome to be here on a Sunday and not feel the usual Beer Bloat.
Oh yea......still waiting for my fuckin fingernail to either heal or fall off. The anticipation is killing me!!
NP: Badly Drawn Boy - Cause a Rockslide. WHAT A CHUNE!